# Politics and News > UK, Canada, Oz, NZ >  British humour

## Neo



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## UKSmartypants

yes but its fairly low brow humour......


but then americans like low brow .......  Friends, Cheers, South park.......

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## Neo

> yes but its fairly low brow humour......
> 
> 
> but then americans like low brow .......  Friends, Cheers, South park.......


yes they’d love this sort of stuff

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## Neo



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## Kodiak

.

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## Kodiak

> yes but its fairly low brow humour......
> 
> 
> but then americans like low brow .......  Friends, Cheers, South park.......


Not this American.

But I can't help but notice you never miss a chance to take a swipe at us.  Yet here you are on a mostly American forum, go figure.

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QuaseMarco (09-30-2021)

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## Oceander

British humor?  Hmmm?  The auto industry, perhaps?

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Captain Kirk! (09-30-2021),Foghorn (09-30-2021),ruthless terrier (09-30-2021)

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## UKSmartypants

> Not this American.
> 
> But I can't help but notice you never miss a chance to take a swipe at us.  Yet here you are on a mostly American forum, go figure.



Well when I first got here I refrained from attacking Americans, but in the last few weeks a certain contingent has decided to end the truce and conducted various vicious attacks on me and my country, so i guess the honeymoon is over.....blame your countrymen.....

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## JMWinPR

Ya mean "High Brow" shows like Fawlty Towers, Are You Being Served, Benny Hill. Or that Star Trek knock off that talked the aliens into submission.


As an aside, why can't I "thank" certain posters @Neo being one?

I don't recall anyone picking on the "cousins". Please point it out the next time it occurs. That way we can either call him out, or give him a few thumbs up.

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Neo (09-30-2021)

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## Kodiak

> Well when I first got here I refrained from attacking Americans, but in the last few weeks a certain contingent has decided to end the truce and conducted various vicious attacks on me and my country, so i guess the honeymoon is over.....blame your countrymen.....



So you throw a blanket over the entire country because a few that gave you a hard time.    Got it.   :Geez:

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Captain Kirk! (09-30-2021)

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## Oceander

How about this:  can we at least agree that (a) the Americans suck, (b) the British suck, but (c) they suck in different, sometimes incompatible, ways?

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## Authentic

> Well when I first got here I refrained from attacking Americans, but in the last few weeks a certain contingent has decided to end the truce and conducted various vicious attacks on me and my country, so i guess the honeymoon is over.....blame your countrymen.....


OK, I 'll attack Spain.

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## Authentic

> How about this:  can we at least agree that (a) the Americans suck, (b) the British suck, but (c) they suck in different, sometimes incompatible, ways?


Are we talking about breastfeeding?

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JMWinPR (09-30-2021),Oceander (09-30-2021)

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## Oceander

> Are we talking about breastfeeding?


We could if you'd like, but @Trinnity might ask us to move that conversation elsewhere!

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Authentic (09-30-2021),JMWinPR (09-30-2021)

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## Neo

I can see why Smarty is unhappy, and I sympathise, I had good intention posting Covid news, but I bent with the wind and stopped posting anything about Covid19

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## Neo

> Are we talking about breastfeeding?


Hey buster I was breast fed up to my 5th birthday.  :Smile:

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## Authentic

> Hey buster I was breast fed up to my 5th birthday.


That _is_ a different way of sucking!

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## Captain Kirk!

> Well when I first got here I refrained from attacking Americans, but in the last few weeks a certain contingent has decided to end the truce and conducted various vicious attacks on me and my country, so i guess the honeymoon is over.....blame your countrymen.....


Lol, guy that throws insults left and right blames the insulted for not taking it.

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QuaseMarco (09-30-2021)

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## Authentic

> British humor?  Hmmm?  The auto industry, perhaps?


The national soccer team's penalty kick proficiency.

Oh, never mind. It is racist to talk about that.

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Neo (09-30-2021)

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## TLSG

Never understood the concept of one white country attacking another, especially now that we're all in the throes of globalist Marxism. We should be setting aside petty cultural differences and work together to counter the left and their genocidal open borders policies.

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LadyMoonlight (10-01-2021),Neo (09-30-2021)

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## Authentic

> *Never understood the concept of one white country attacking another*, especially now that we're all in the throes of globalist Marxism. We should be setting aside petty cultural differences and work together to counter the left and their genocidal open borders policies.


The world wars were incomprehensible.

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## Neo

Smartypants is a great guy, he’s super intelligent and deserves a break. He is a top bloke!  :Smile:

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UKSmartypants (09-30-2021)

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## Trinnity

> We could if you'd like, but @Trinnity might ask us to move that conversation elsewhere!


Whywould I do that? It says boobs and butts are ok, just not so much in avatars b/c people at work could get in trouble if their boss caught them looking at boobies at work. 

Why are people surly at me? The forum is free, I work for nothin', and I try to be fair. Seems like I'm getting a lot of flack since covid started making people fight so much.

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Authentic (10-01-2021),Brat (09-30-2021),Foghorn (09-30-2021),Oceander (09-30-2021)

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## Trinnity

I'll tell ya what's funny.....British spanking films. It's soft porn. Hilarious. 





I think they like it or it wouldn't be a thing. Not laffing at them, I enjoyed it. Man, talk about some red butts. Ahhahaha hahahahaaa hahaha ha ha ha.
Real porn gets old real fast.

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## UKSmartypants

> I'll tell ya what's funny.....British spanking films. It's soft porn. Hilarious. 
> 
>  I think they like it or it wouldn't be a thing. Not laffing at them, I enjoyed it. Man, talk about some red butts. Ahhahaha hahahahaaa hahaha ha ha ha.
> Real porn gets old real fast.



A countries taste in porn says a lot about the national character.

Ive noticed, fir example, there are four countries where certain types of porn are far more prevalent  - Bondage, Spanking, and latex/leather fetish - the 'leading ' countries where those sorts prevail seem to be UK, Germany, Japan and Holland.

Americans seem to prefer straight butt naked fucking.

Someone should do a proper academic study of this.

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## Oceander

> Whywould I do that? It says boobs and butts are ok, just not so much in avatars b/c people at work could get in trouble if their boss caught them looking at boobies at work. 
> 
> Why are people surly at me? The forum is free, I work for nothin', and I try to be fair. Seems like I'm getting a lot of flack since covid started making people fight so much.


Not complaining at all!  I've got nary a problem with the way you run things here!

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## East of the Beast

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were discussing close races in the pub. "The closest race I ever saw," said the Scotsman, "was a horse race, in which a horse, stung by a bee, won by the length of the swelling on his nose." "The closest race I ever saw," bragged the Englishman, "was a car race, in which one of drivers won by the breadth of a coat of paint." "Dat's nothing," said the Irishman. "The closest race I ever saw is the English."


An Englishman moved to a small town in Ireland, but died shortly after. Because the Englishman didn't have any friends or family, the local parish priest instructed a couple of the lads in his congregation to gather a collection so that the man could have a decent funeral. The lads entered the local pub and asked if anyone would donate 1 Euro to bury an Englishman. Danny stood up and handed them a 10 Euro note and said, "Burry ten of 'em."

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Authentic (09-30-2021),QuaseMarco (09-30-2021)

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## UKSmartypants

> An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were discussing close races in the pub. "The closest race I ever saw," said the Scotsman, "was a horse race, in which a horse, stung by a bee, won by the length of the swelling on his nose." "The closest race I ever saw," bragged the Englishman, "was a car race, in which one of drivers won by the breadth of a coat of paint." "Dat's nothing," said the Irishman. "The closest race I ever saw is the English."



and here we have one of the culprits of the current anglo american animosity.

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East of the Beast (09-30-2021),JMWinPR (09-30-2021)

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## East of the Beast

> and here we have one of the culprits of the current anglo american animosity.


That's nuttin' read the second one...lol

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## Trinnity

> Americans seem to prefer straight butt naked fucking.


Not entertaining at all, imho. The only good porn movie I've ever seen was Bob Guccioni's Caligula. Not for the weak of heart, mind, or stomach, but a masterpiece.

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## UKSmartypants

> Not entertaining at all, imho. The only good porn movie I've ever seen was Bob Guccioni's Caligula. Not for the weak of heart, mind, or stomach, but a masterpiece.



I agree, two people fucking is pretty much the same the world over.

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## Authentic

> and here we have one of the culprits of the current anglo american animosity.


Hell, why do you think I am Millwall? Nobody likes us, and we don't care!

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Neo (09-30-2021)

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## Authentic

A Brit asks a bloody Yank "why is American beer similar to having sex in a canoe?"

The colonial bloke asks, "why"?

"Because they are both fucking close to water, ya wanker!"

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Foghorn (09-30-2021),Oceander (09-30-2021)

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## Oceander

The Brits are alright in my book!

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Neo (09-30-2021)

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## JMWinPR

> Hey buster I was breast fed up to my 5th birthday.


And zactly how old were you?

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## JMWinPR

> Smartypants is a great guy, hes super intelligent and deserves a break. He is a top bloke!


Whutz the difference tween a bloke and a wanker?

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## JMWinPR

> Whywould I do that? It says boobs and butts are ok, just not so much in avatars b/c people at work could get in trouble if their boss caught them looking at boobies at work. 
> 
> Why are people surly at me? The forum is free, I work for nothin', and I try to be fair. Seems like I'm getting a lot of flack since covid started making people fight so much.


Are you one of the Brits whutz offended at everything?

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## East of the Beast

If I would have known back then what I know now, I woulda run it off manually.

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## Neo

> I'll tell ya what's funny.....British spanking films. It's soft porn. Hilarious. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think they like it or it wouldn't be a thing. Not laffing at them, I enjoyed it. Man, talk about some red butts. Ahhahaha hahahahaaa hahaha ha ha ha.
> Real porn gets old real fast.


Every woman likes her butt playfully spanked when making love. So Ive been told  :Cool20:

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## East of the Beast

> The Brits are alright in my book!


Mine too, except they can't take a joke....talk about fragile Freddies

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## Authentic

A Brummie tried to call the International Date Line.

It seems that he was looking for a mail order bride.

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## Dan40

> British humor?  Hmmm?  The auto industry, perhaps?


Lucas Electric?

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Neo (10-01-2021)

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## Dubler9

What did the dog say to the constipated cat? - "have a break have a shit cat".

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## QuaseMarco

> Not entertaining at all, imho. The only good porn movie I've ever seen was Bob Guccioni's Caligula. Not for the weak of heart, mind, or stomach, but a masterpiece.


I always felt cheated...........................................  ................ because I didn't have a sister.   :F Sorry: 




BTW: 5 pages and very little humor. Thread fail.

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## Dan40

> I always felt cheated...........................................  ................ because I didn't have a sister.  
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BTW: 5 pages and very little humor. Thread fail.


Brits ARE funny.  When they smile, its hilarious.

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## Moonie

.
Your ancestral heraldry has been noted by the Hall Of Arms toilet dispenser.
.

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Authentic (10-01-2021)

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## Authentic

A Brit said to an American, "You know why the U.S.A. is rubbish? It names its battles after meat or weight gain - Battle of Pork Chop Hill, Battle of Hamburger Hill, Battle of the Bulge."

The American thought for a bit and said "You know why the UK sucks? It names it battles negatively: Retreat from Dunkirk, Surrender at Yorktown, Futility of Paschendaele."

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## Authentic

> Never understood the concept of one white country attacking another, especially now that we're all in the throes of globalist Marxism.


They won't be white for long.

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Neo (10-01-2021)

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## Authentic

> Whutz the difference tween a bloke and a wanker?


A bloke is regular guy. A wanker, um, wanks...

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## Call_me_Ishmael

> A bloke is regular guy. A wanker, um, wanks...


Will a woke bloke smoke coke and then joke?

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Authentic (10-01-2021)

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## Authentic

> Will a woke bloke smoke coke and then joke?


Maybe.

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## MVe



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Neo (10-01-2021)

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## East of the Beast

> Well when I first got here I refrained from attacking Americans, but in the last few weeks a certain contingent has decided to end the truce and conducted various vicious attacks on me and my country, so i guess the honeymoon is over.....blame your countrymen.....


Name names.

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## East of the Beast

> and here we have one of the culprits of the current anglo american animosity.


It's all in good fun.Here in the States if someone jokes about you it generally means they like you....You haven't seen animosity.Grow a pair ya tea drinkin' limey... :Geez:

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## East of the Beast

> Never understood the concept of one white country attacking another, especially now that we're all in the throes of globalist Marxism. We should be setting aside petty cultural differences and work together to counter the left and their genocidal open borders policies.


Marxist are white, if we are talking about racial betrayal, whitey is the worst of them all..We aren't going defeat Marxism on here anyway..lol

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## UKSmartypants

> Marxist are white, if we are talking about racial betrayal, whitey is the worst of them all..We aren't going defeat Marxism on here anyway..lol



complete bollox.

Many african countries once they obtained independence ended up being taken over by marxists - Idi Amin and Robert Mugabe are two prime examples.   Then there's the lesser known Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, Africas Marxist revolutionary and first president of the republic of Ghana/

The brutal rejection of capitalism in favor of socialism by African politicians at independence was largely due to a deep-seated misconception that equates capitalism to colonialism. In fact, according to Lenin, capitalism was the extension of colonialism and imperialism. For this reason, African leaders at independence didnt want anything to do with capitalism. They claim capitalism is exploitative. 


Thus Marxism is endemic in Africa - Gamal Abdel Nasser (Egypt), Ahmed Sékou Touré (Guinea), Julius Nyerere (Tanzania) and Ahmed Ben Bella (Algeria) are all marxists. Other leaders, such as Tom Mboya of Kenya, argued that African realities meant that socialism was intrinsic to “traditional” culture because “African socialism has an entirely different history from European socialism”. The European version of socialism, he argued, arose from the division of society between a capitalist class and an industrial proletariat; however, “there is no such division into classes in Africa… So, there is no need in Africa to argue over ideology or define your actions in terms of doctrinaire theories”

Your post is a perfect example of what ive been saying now for weeks, the ridiculous 1950's 'goddam commies' closed mindset of Americans. You simply fail to grasp that whats going on, is going on across all the countries of the world, the planet wide assault on freedom and democracy by the Global Elite using Marxism as a blunt weapon. You still think in terms of just American politics. Its parochial, short sighted and dangerously ignorant.  The stuff you are experiencing in the USA today was initiated in Europe 15 years ago, they know the plan works.

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Neo (10-01-2021)

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## East of the Beast

> complete bollox.
> 
> Many african countries once they obtained independence ended up being taken over by marxists - Idi Amin and Robert Mugabe are two prime examples.   Then there's the lesser known Dr. Kwame Nkrumah, Africas Marxist revolutionary and first president of the republic of Ghana/
> 
> The brutal rejection of capitalism in favor of socialism by African politicians at independence was largely due to a deep-seated misconception that equates capitalism to colonialism. In fact, according to Lenin, capitalism was the extension of colonialism and imperialism. For this reason, African leaders at independence didnt want anything to do with capitalism. They claim capitalism is exploitative. 
> 
> 
> Thus Marxism is endemic in Africa - Gamal Abdel Nasser (Egypt), Ahmed Sékou Touré (Guinea), Julius Nyerere (Tanzania) and Ahmed Ben Bella (Algeria) are all marxists. Other leaders, such as Tom Mboya of Kenya, argued that African realities meant that socialism was intrinsic to “traditional” culture because “African socialism has an entirely different history from European socialism”. The European version of socialism, he argued, arose from the division of society between a capitalist class and an industrial proletariat; however, “there is no such division into classes in Africa… So, there is no need in Africa to argue over ideology or define your actions in terms of doctrinaire theories”
> 
> Your post is a perfect example of what ive been saying now for weeks, the ridiculous 1950's 'goddam commies' closed mindset of Americans. You simply fail to grasp that whats going on, is going on across all the countries of the world, the planet wide assault on freedom and democracy by the Global Elite using Marxism as a blunt weapon. You still think in terms of just American politics. Its parochial, short sighted and dangerously ignorant.  The stuff you are experiencing in the USA today was initiated in Europe 15 years ago, they know the plan works.


Ya see, this is why I like to poke fun of you, you arrogant bastard....you assume that I, or anyone for that matter, doesn't know anything.In this nation,Canada and in Europe, Marxism is being pushed by whitey...Hell Marxism is named after a white man.So , shove that bollox up your ass.

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## MVe



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## Neo

Live radio shows are brilliant, the wit, the humour. the farce, topical points, news. 

Iain Lee with Kathryn Boyle is my favourite late  night viewing, I must confess the northern wife and I have been to many of their live shows at Bath spa. 

Over the years Iain Lee has had many personal problems (coming out) (drugs) (mental health) (suicide) but he is there for  us still churning out his live  shows on TWITCH. If you have never heard of TWITCH try Googling, there is something for everyone.

Here us one of his life shows without Kathryn Boyle 

I hope you like it.

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## UKSmartypants

> Ya see, this is why I like to poke fun of you, you arrogant bastard....you assume that I, or anyone for that matter, doesn't know anything.In this nation,Canada and in Europe, Marxism is being pushed by whitey...Hell Marxism is named after a white man.So , shove that bollox up your ass.





I just demonstrated Marxism is being pushed worldwide by people of every colour, black and white,  and I didnt  even mention yet the 1.6B yellow people  pushing it. So it clearly it isnt just 'whitey' pushing it.

You need to do more research before you post. Im not arrogant, just better researched and informed.

as you can see, the majority of the worlds socialist states are in Africa  or Northern Europe. Its not exclusively 'whitey'.

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## UKSmartypants

> alan partridge



I liked  Steve Coogan, until he turned into an anti democratic whining remoaner.

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Dubler9 (10-03-2021),Neo (10-02-2021)

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## Neo

Since we had the staffies I took them on holiday with us every year, dog friendly welsh cottages to Blackpool dog friendly hotels.
Whilst at Blackpool we went to see the legendary Joey Blower at the north pier Merry England bar

As my wife is a personal friend we never paid entrance fee  for any event  :Smile:  

Just before Covid hit he was told his 26 year contract at the bar was ending, this put a huge financial strain on him and his family.
During  the end  of Covid restrictions he signed a deal at Viva entertainment 

When one door closes another opens, and I wish him and his family every success for the future. Top bloke.

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## Moonie

.
American appreciation for their societal mandate stems from nuking parts of Nipponland outside of their computer skills.
.

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## UKSmartypants

> .
> American appreciation for their societal mandate stems from nuking parts of Nipponland outside of their computer skills.
> .



Impressively put, i congratulate your use of English.

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Dubler9 (10-03-2021)

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## Dubler9

My old grandad always used to tell me: "You must open doors to get on in life - whatever you do you MUST OPEN DOORS"!!! Great advise ..... sadly he is no longer with us !!!??   -  He died from being sucked out of an aeroplane.

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## UKSmartypants

> My old grandad always used to tell me: "You must open doors to get on in life - whatever you do you MUST OPEN DOORS"!!! Great advise ..... sadly he is no longer with us !!!??   -  He died from being sucked out of an aeroplane.



Oh dear. Was this some sort of air crash ?

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## Neo

> .
> American appreciation for their societal mandate stems from nuking parts of Nipponland outside of their computer skills.
> .


I read that in a magazine at my dentists I believe?

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