# Stuff and Things > The Pub >  Lets hear it for the fabulous Kris P Bacon

## Pork Chop

The @Kris P Bacon 2018 tPF Appreciation Society Tribute Gala Performance

Ladies and gentlemen, here tonight live from the tPF Pub; we bring you a star-studded gala performance in the presence of our esteemed tPF mods, Trinnity, Ginger and the other one whose name escapes me, to show our appreciation to that fine rasher of a man, with the heart of a sausage. Let’s hear it for the fabulous … Kris P Bacon. 

 :Applause: 

As crowds of members continue to gather outside the Pub thread, I can hear the crowd inside going wild so let’s take you inside for a ring-side seat where the performance is just about to begin. 

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To keep attention spans focused, each performance lasts under four minutes

 Without further ado, I present for your entertainment the combined efforts of the ‘Friends of Kris P Bacon Appreciation Society’


Pork Chop performs John Lennon’s "_Imagine There’s no Bacon_"






@HawkTheSlayer joins Sting to sing "_I’ll be Taxing You_"






Guest Lurker brings you "_Lady in red_" - A Hillary Clinton Tribute






And now, please will you welcome on stage our surprise guests tonight, live from the Mosh Pit and making their debut appearance with hot new hit single "_The bacon song._" Please show your appreciation for … The Fabulous Bacons! (It’s the best we could put together at such short notice).



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@Ginger, vocals  @Rutabaga, on lead guitar and our own @MrMike, on drums. Tap your feet and sing-a-long folks. It’s better than a thread ban if you don’t show your appreaciation with a like!  :Smile:  

Take it away guys 1,2, a 1,2,3,4 …







Oh my, fabulous, what a reception from tonights crowd! Did it also make you feel like going out and pepper spraying a liberal while shouting, "_Feel the Bern_"? Our stars are nervously waiting backstage on the Current Events thread to hear your opinion in our poll, with guaranteed no Russian involvement.

 And now as we come to the close of tonight’s Kris P Bacon Gala Performance tribute, don’t you lurkers forget to register on tPF for a chance to win our star prize: A trip to a Chicago gay bath house, where Obama will personally kiss your ass in revenge for all those tax dollars he stole from you. Stay tuned for forthcoming events that might also include a helpline/Agony aunt column. It’s all here at tPF folks.





Good night and Godbless from Pork Chop - Please rise for our tPF national anthem








A British Pork Chop Production in association with tPF

No liberals were harmed during this performance

Roll credits


Editor: Pork Chop, with special thanks to extras: Nescafe, Marlborough and Guest Lurker

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Jen (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Madison (05-11-2018),Rita Marley (05-10-2018),Rutabaga (05-10-2018)

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## Retiredat50

"and the other one whose name escapes me"

Calypso Jones, never forget Calypso Jones!

Congrats @Kris P Bacon

OMG,  I just realized Kris P Bacon is like crispy bacon, no way!

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Madison (05-11-2018),MisterVeritis (05-10-2018),Rita Marley (05-10-2018)

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## Ginger

lordy  gimme some coffee with liquor

and bacon

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## HawkTheSlayer

Bill Clinton was invited , then uninvited when Hawk announced He would be arriving with Monica Lewinsky.  :Smiley ROFLMAO:

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Daily Bread (05-11-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Madison (05-11-2018),MisterVeritis (05-10-2018)

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## Jen

Oooh.  "Guest Lurker"...........love that poster......... :Sofa:

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Madison (05-11-2018)

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## HawkTheSlayer

I must confess. The meal was fabulous. The only thing better than the stuffed quail wrapped in bacon was the bacon martinis.

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> Oooh.  "Guest Lurker"...........love that poster.........


Married (Fly Paper)?

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Old Tex

It's true that without bacon life "might" exist on this planet. But why would it want to?

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Canadianeye (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> I must confess. The meal was fabulous. The only thing better than the stuffed quail wrapped in bacon was the bacon martinis.


I certainly enjoyed the bacon wrapped shrimp cocktail followed by the second course, bacon wrapped salad.

However, my favorite of the evening was the bacon wrapped bacon, gingerly layered over the bed of bacon flavored bacon. 







*side note*

I stopped at Burger King yesterday for lunch to try one of those new Sourdough Bacon Big King. Was totally unimpressed because the bacon, although a generous quantity, was extremely hard. Now even burnt bacon still crumbles nicely and is not what I would call 'tough' or 'hard' but this bacon could hardly be chewed safely without fear of losing a couple of remaining _real_ toofies.

I have never had bacon that was impossible to chew safely. I don't get it. What causes that?

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## HawkTheSlayer

> It's true that without bacon life "might" exist on this planet. But why would it want to?


All I know is , there is bacon and poke chops in heaven. 
Because that's where the Lard lives.

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## NuYawka

> I certainly enjoyed the bacon wrapped shrimp cocktail followed the second course, bacon wrapped salad.
> 
> However, my favorite of the evening was the bacon wrapped bacon, gingerly layered over the bed of bacon flavored bacon. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Overheating it in the microwave.

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## Rickity Plumber

@Pork Chop . . . 

In response to the lousy comedy displayed by Michelle Wolf during the 2018 White House Correspondents Dinner, I give you and our distinguished guests our own r_eal_ comedy routine supplied by none other than Rickity "Steven Wright" Plumber.

Without further ado and bullshit, I give you seven minutes of early (1984) knee and bitch slapping guffaws and jocularity.














*We are TPF. That other place is tPF.

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Abbey (05-10-2018),Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## HawkTheSlayer

> I certainly enjoyed the bacon wrapped shrimp cocktail followed the second course, bacon wrapped salad.
> 
> However, my favorite of the evening was the bacon wrapped bacon, gingerly layered over the bed of bacon flavored bacon. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hmmm. I must once again confess , i would fancy the idea of layering crispy bacon on Ginger's naked body and having breakfast. 
There is such an allure to a woman that wears fine Parfum of Bacon and coffee. 
Eau de Cochon et Cafe`

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Rickity Plumber (05-10-2018)

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## Calypso Jones

damN if this ain't a classy forum!!

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Pork Chop

> @Pork Chop . . . 
> 
> In response to the lousy comedy displayed by Michelle Wolf during the 2018 White House Correspondents Dinner, I give you and our distinguished guests our own r_eal_ comedy routine supplied by none other than Rickity "Steven Wright" Plumber.
> 
> Without further ado and bullshit, I give you seven minutes of early (1984) knee and bitch slapping guffaws and jocularity.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...




_‘One time I was walking through the woods and I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows at people on a tree.’ 
_
I couldn’t stand the whole seven minutes, I assumed it was ‘canned laughter’and I was doing mental gymnastics but I just couldn’t understand the humour. I got to two minutes and at the rabbit I gave up. 

British humour can be taken around the world, sketches such as Mr. Bean, but American humour of the stand-up variety just leaves me with a blank face.  :Smile: 

You have to go through the short videos in the op in the listed order on this one.

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## HawkTheSlayer

> damN if this ain't a classy forum!!


Bacon gives most everything class. It damned well should , as expensive as it now is !

Can you just imagine the loan DPBoop would have to take out at the bank to wrap her humongous A$$ in bacon.

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> _‘One time I was walking through the woods and I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows at people on a tree.’ 
> _
> I couldn’t stand the whole seven minutes, I assumed it was ‘canned laughter’and I was doing mental gymnastics but I just couldn’t understand the humour. I got to two minutes and at the rabbit I gave up. 
> 
> British humour can be taken around the world, sketches such as Mr. Bean, but American humour of the stand-up variety just leaves me with a blank face. 
> 
> You have to go through the short videos in the op in the listed order on this one.


Steven Wright is an icon with this style of humor. A whole routine based on this style was unheard of before this 1984 clip from Johnny Carson. 

Perhaps I feel the same way about British humor that you feel about Steven Wright. It is what we were weaned on as young impressionable conservatives. 

To me, Steven Wright is like a Rodney Dangerfield mellowed out on pot. Both are/were the best at their own brand of humor.

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),NuYawka (05-10-2018)

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## NuYawka

> Steven Wright is an icon with this style of humor. A whole routine based on this style was unheard of before this 1984 clip from Johnny Carson. 
> 
> Perhaps I feel the same way about British humor that you feel about Steven Wright. It is what we were weaned on as young impressionable conservatives. 
> 
> To me, Steven Wright is like a Rodney Dangerfield mellowed out on pot. Both are/were the best at their own brand of humor.


Definitely two of my all-time favorite comedians.

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Rickity Plumber (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> Definitely two of my all-time favorite comedians.


I am sorry that @Pork Chop does not see the _real_ humor of Steven Wright.

I always thought to myself, how does this guy (Wright) ever think of these things? Simple words put together in such a way that no one ever thought of previously. Does he lay awake at night and pick out a subject and then go from there?

His famous microwave joke . . . is a classic but yet there are millions and millions of microwaves sold since the mid 1970's but yet NO ONE had ever thought of such a crazy idea!

It is; "I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time".

I mean classic stuff!

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),NuYawka (05-10-2018)

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## Pork Chop

> Steven Wright is an icon with this style of humor. A whole routine based on this style was unheard of before this 1984 clip from Johnny Carson. 
> 
> Perhaps I feel the same way about British humor that you feel about Steven Wright. It is what we were weaned on as young impressionable conservatives. 
> 
> To me, Steven Wright is like a Rodney Dangerfield mellowed out on pot. Both are/were the best at their own brand of humor.




Yes, it’s true that different cultures have differing kinds of humour, but taking the rabbit sketch as my example, I struggle to find a funny side to it. Perhaps it’s the deadpan way Wright delivers it? I could say, ‘The light went out when I turned it off’ and it would leave me with the same impression and if anyone asked me to explain what was funny about that I woudn’t be able to answer and I suspect outside the US, no one else would either. I’m afraid I just can’t get into American humour, now the classics that’s different, but humour? No.   :Smile:

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## NuYawka

> I am sorry that @Pork Chop does not see the _real_ humor of Steven Wright.
> 
> I always thought to myself, how does this guy (Wright) ever think of these things? Simple words put together in such a way that no one ever thought of previously. Does he lay awake at night and pick out a subject and then go from there?
> 
> His famous microwave joke . . . is a classic but yet there are millions and millions of microwaves sold since the mid 1970's but yet NO ONE had ever thought of such a crazy idea!
> 
> It is; "I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time".
> 
> I mean classic stuff!


Yep.
By the time he's on his eighth or ninth joke during one of his routines, people have only just understood the first and maybe the second joke.

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Rickity Plumber (05-10-2018)

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## Abbey

You people slay me! Thanks...

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Kris P Bacon

> Bacon gives most everything class. It damned well should , as expensive as it now is !
> 
> Can you just imagine the loan DPBoop would have to take out at the bank to wrap her humongous A$$ in bacon.


That's why they can only afford trans fatty cinnamon buns, from the fat squad hags.  :Smiley ROFLMAO:

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## Kris P Bacon

> Yes, its true that different cultures have differing kinds of humour, but taking the rabbit sketch as my example, I struggle to find a funny side to it. Perhaps its the deadpan way Wright delivers it? I could say, The light went out when I turned it off and it would leave me with the same impression and if anyone asked me to explain what was funny about that I woudnt be able to answer and I suspect outside the US, no one else would either. Im afraid I just cant get into American humour, now the classics thats different, but humour? No.


I am also known as "chief 2 rabbits" in certain circles for the 2 rabbit kills with a slingshot (yes it was as humane as death goes and me and Mrs Bacon did eat them). I aint afraid of no rabbit, I have killed before and I will kill again!

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## Kris P Bacon

@Pork Chop  That was hilarious :Smiley ROFLMAO: 

You deserve a carton of duty free, Marlboros. You smoke the classic, short reds right? Have a carton on Bacon (please ignore the absence of a tax stamp)  

I tell ya what, as tasty as bacon is, pork chops are not to be underated. Now Bacon, being considered a breakfast food, is good all day. Now, that being said if (GOD forbid) you run out of bacon for your eggs, a pork chop will certainly do fine. 
 Thanks again Pork Chop! 
My very own Gala. Thanks to all who attended and performed!

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Pork Chop (05-10-2018)

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## Rita Marley

> Yes, its true that different cultures have differing kinds of humour, but taking the rabbit sketch as my example, I struggle to find a funny side to it. Perhaps its the deadpan way Wright delivers it? I could say, The light went out when I turned it off and it would leave me with the same impression and if anyone asked me to explain what was funny about that I woudnt be able to answer and I suspect outside the US, no one else would either. Im afraid I just cant get into American humour, now the classics thats different, but humour? No.


Making shadow rabbits on the wall is a common child's game. The rabbit turned the tables.

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Rita Marley

Very funny thread, btw. Well done.

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Pork Chop (05-10-2018)

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## Kris P Bacon

> Making shadow rabbits on the wall is a common child's game. The rabbit turned the tables.


Aint no fun when the rabbit has the gun!

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Rita Marley (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> Yes, its true that different cultures have differing kinds of humour, but taking the rabbit sketch as my example, I struggle to find a funny side to it. Perhaps its the deadpan way Wright delivers it? I could say, The light went out when I turned it off and it would leave me with the same impression and if anyone asked me to explain what was funny about that I woudnt be able to answer and I suspect outside the US, no one else would either. Im afraid I just cant get into American humour, now the classics thats different, but humour? No.


Yes @Pork Chop , it IS the delivery of his one liners that makes it so funny. Rodney Dangerfield had his "No respect, yeah I get no respect" that was his trademark to just about ALL his jokes. Wright has his delivery that is no laughing, smiling or delivery of the punch line. It is all in the delivery. I wish I knew what to call this kind of monotone to his cadence.

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## Rita Marley

> Yes @Pork Chop , it IS the delivery of his one liners that makes it so funny. Rodney Dangerfield had his "No respect, yeah I get no respect" that was his trademark to just about ALL his jokes. Wright has his delivery that is no laughing, smiling or delivery of the punch line. It is all in the delivery. I wish I knew what to call this kind of monotone to his cadence.


Deadpan.

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## Kris P Bacon

I was on the phone with my brother recently, he said my 11 yo niece "got a rabbit" My first words were "what did she shoot it with"? lol, She got a PET rabbit!

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Abbey (05-11-2018)

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## Kris P Bacon

Forgot to mention @Pork Chop
I plugged in the HDMI cable so Mrs Bacon could watch this thread on the Big screen. She laughed out loud several times, said to tell you it was very funny.

I always share your satire threads with her. She is a fan of yours :Thumbsup20:

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Pork Chop (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> Deadpan.


You the woMAN!

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Rita Marley (05-10-2018)

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## Pork Chop

> @Pork Chop  That was hilarious
> 
> You deserve a carton of duty free, Marlboros. You smoke the classic, short reds right? Have a carton on Bacon (please ignore the absence of a tax stamp)  
> 
> I tell ya what, as tasty as bacon is, pork chops are not to be underated. Now Bacon, being considered a breakfast food, is good all day. Now, that being said if (GOD forbid) you run out of bacon for your eggs, a pork chop will certainly do fine. 
>  Thanks again Pork Chop! 
> My very own Gala. Thanks to all who attended and performed!




At $3.10 a pack I can afford to indulge, but I miss my Chinese Taishan ($1.58).

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018)

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## Pork Chop

> Yes @Pork Chop , it IS the delivery of his one liners that makes it so funny. Rodney Dangerfield had his "No respect, yeah I get no respect" that was his trademark to just about ALL his jokes. Wright has his delivery that is no laughing, smiling or delivery of the punch line. It is all in the delivery. I wish I knew what to call this kind of monotone to his cadence.




Deadpan off the top of my head. A liberal phoned the garage and said, I got in my car this morning and the engine wont start. The mechanic said, did you try turning the key? You mean like that?

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## Kris P Bacon

> At $3.10 a pack I can afford to indulge, but I miss my Chinese Taishan ($1.58). 
> 
> Damn, they are like 6 bucks here, even generics are 4$.

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## Pork Chop

> Forgot to mention @Pork Chop
> I plugged in the HDMI cable so Mrs Bacon could watch this thread on the Big screen. She laughed out loud several times, said to tell you it was very funny.
> 
> I always share your satire threads with her. She is a fan of yours




Comedy is only understandable if the audience identify with the subject and the central characters. I took something we all understand; a gala performance arranged around characters we’re all familiar with and then deliver the ridiculous deadpan, Monty Python style. (As in the Hole FM). An agony aunt column on the other hand would use semantics and reverse liberal logic as punch lines. 


As this thread slowly slides down in rankings, while it’s there it also has a message for the lurkers and that’s, we’re not your average safe space dull forum; we also do clean fun without the nastiness, register and join in. Additionally, the likes tell me the popularity of the various methods of presentation, so they’re important as well.  

Say ‘Hello’ to Mrs Bacon from me.  :Smile:

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Kris P Bacon (05-10-2018),Rita Marley (05-10-2018)

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## Rickity Plumber

> As this thread slowly slides down in rankings, while it’s there it also has a message for the lurkers and that’s, we’re not your average safe space dull forum; we also do clean fun without the nastiness, register and join in. Additionally, the likes tell me the popularity of the various methods of presentation, so they’re important as well.


Steven Wright could go through his entire routine ten times and never utter a nasty or bad word. 

Some of these 'comedians' love to toss in the F word along with the C word and the other C word like you and I use prepositions. Usually black dudes but white women comediennes are just as guilty.  

There are a boatload of comedians past and present who I despise as they are too rough for me. The list is long.

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## Abbey

Just something I thought was funny 

 I was watching the People's Court with judge Marilyn Milian.

 The plaintiff bought a car from the defendant and, was complaining that the transmission was messing up.

 Defendent says, the plaintiff told him, the car now has a jerk in it.

 Judge Milian, not missing a beat, looks to the plaintiff and says, " well, did you tell him to leave?"

 Then, laughter from everyone....

 Well, I thought it was funny...and, quick thinking by the judge.

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NuYawka (05-11-2018)

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## Madison

Just plain crispy bacon  and Champagne

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OldSchool (05-11-2018)

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## OldSchool

> Just plain crispy bacon  and Champagne


 :Smiley20: 

Some of us know how to live!  :Thumbsup20:

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Madison (05-11-2018)

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