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Thread: Chemicals in Non-Stick Pans Can Shrink Penises…

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    Chemicals in Non-Stick Pans Can Shrink Penises…

    Apparently Chemicals in Non-Stick Pans Can Shrink Penises… A Lot

    Rob Fox, March 25, 2020







    Finally, an excuse. No longer do I have to explain to my lovers and Snapchat contactsthat my… situation… is the result of stuff like my mom smoking and drinking when she was pregnant with me, and then them contending that my explanation is pretty flimsy because why would that only affect the size and vibrancy of my penis instead of my entire body? Then I have to be all like, “Gee I didn’t realize I was sending pictures of my wang to a doctor. Oh wait, I’m not, Tiphanee.”

    The mood pretty much dies from there. But now I can send them a link to this very story! No more lies, just insisting upon spurious claims about high levels of PFCs making me less of a man.


    According to The Daily Mail
    , a study out of the University of Padua in Italy that was led by Dr. Andrea Di Nisio and published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism concluded that men could end up with penises up to half-an-inch(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) shorter than usual if their parents were exposed to a chemical that used to be commonly found in non-stick frying pans with a Teflon coating. A half-an-inch. The average erect penis size is barely over five inches. If your parents were too lazy to spray Pam before cooking eggs they likely dropped you into 4-inch territory. Instead of smuggling a lap hog you’re tending to a pants piglet.

    The dong diminishing chemicals are called PFCs and scientists say they can interfere with male hormones and testosterone levels, which leads to sexual organs (your D or, more accurately, your d) being ‘significantly’ shorter and thinner. And thinner. These chemicals don’t even have the decency to leave your groin looking like the shelf with the last 3-pack of hockey pucks at a Canadian CVS. By the time your parents’ years of stir-fry nights have taken their toll you’re left with a golf pencil.

    That these once used PFC non-stick coatings make men’s penises shrink is bad enough, but they actually cause so many male reproductive problems in otherwise healthy men that you’d think you were reading about condoms made from plutonium and poorly recycled Ebola rags. PFCs can also affect testicular volume, semen quality, low birth weight, bladder cancer, testicular cancer, and they probably just give you herpes too for good measure. Why not?





    And in case you thought smaller penises and all these other nightmare scenarios were taken care of now that PFCs aren’t used in non-stick frying pans anymore, they’re not. DuPont and Chemours, the manufacturers of Teflon, had to pay a massive settlement just last year after spilling perfluoroalkyl compounds into a river in West Virginia, which affected the area’s drinking water and, presumably, the length and girth of the next generation.





    So go back to buttering your frying pans. You can jog off the pounds. You can’t take your dick to the gym for gains.



    1932 Franklin D. Roosevelt:

    "The only thing we have to fear is...fear itself."

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    "....dong diminishing chemicals...."
    Last edited by HawkTheSlayer; 03-25-2020 at 08:01 PM.
    Today we live. Tomorrow we die.
    "Evil is da Devil minus da D"

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    I am not sure why non-stick pans are even a thing. Sure, years ago I dabbled with them, but they suck. They only last a few years no matter how careful you are, they are terrible at getting a sear (they need extremely high heat to do so) and they lose heat so fast.

    If you cook a lot you want stainless steel or cast iron, or a combination. Me, I lean toward stainless steel for everything but have a couple cast iron for specific things (like fried chicken). I have no non-stick pans.
    “Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.”


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    Quote Originally Posted by Retiredat50 View Post
    I am not sure why non-stick pans are even a thing. Sure, years ago I dabbled with them, but they suck. They only last a few years no matter how careful you are, they are terrible at getting a sear (they need extremely high heat to do so) and they lose heat so fast.

    If you cook a lot you want stainless steel or cast iron, or a combination. Me, I lean toward stainless steel for everything but have a couple cast iron for specific things (like fried chicken). I have no non-stick pans.
    My parents had Teflon pans since before I was born. I used them until they were discontinued. But don’t expect me to change my handle to Little Dummy.
    1932 Franklin D. Roosevelt:

    "The only thing we have to fear is...fear itself."

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    LOL that's funny and something I don't have to worry about. No dong no worries

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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Lily View Post
    LOL that's funny and something I don't have to worry about. No dong no worries
    Yeah, it is a win/win for females. Just ask the guy what cookware he uses...
    “Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.”


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    So that explains my 1/16th inch Johnson.

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    You people are sick and perverted .


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    What if you don't heat it up once you put Willie in it?
    Good journey, Rickity!

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    sounds to me like some academics got paid to come up with excuses for their (or someone else's) inadequacies.
    Μολών λαβέ

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