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Thread: The latest from the U.K.

  1. #1
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    Smile The latest from the U.K.

    Elizabeth Windsor

    Buckingham palace



    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

    In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy)

     Our PENDING Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Boris and Donald will form a Dual Prime President role to overseas Little America, England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

     The term New England will now cover all 50 states in the former USA

     Congress and the Senate will be disbanded and replaced by Members of Parliament and as such will introduce proportional representation, a Major course of the last tiff.

     K Street will be burned to the ground

     The stockmarket will return to fair market trading (or bartering) and most earnings from Futures and Short selling markets will be controlled by the Gambling Commission.

     The ringing of the bell and the clapping on stage at the end of trading by people with sparkling teeth (particularly on a day when stocks have plummeted) will be outlawed.

     No foreign companies will be allowed to buy a percentage in New England Companies (Except of course by UK subjects) A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed the changes or care. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

     July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

     The Medical Mafia will become state controlled.

     You will learn to resolve personal issues without using lawyers, or therapists.

     GUN CONTROL: You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

     Only Corgis will be allowed as Comfort Dogs

     All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

     Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

     Happy Holidays will return to Happy Christmas

     Political Correctness regulations will be reduced.

     Cockney or London Rhyming Slang will be introduced to the school Curriculum from 3 years of age.

     The practice of back-handers and bribery to join posh schools will be legalized, this will be in tandem with UK ‘blind eyeing” We have been getting away with it forever.

     The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

     You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

     You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.

     Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby which will become your National Sport By September. Cheese-Chasing, Worm Charming, Girds and Cleeks + Conkers will be adopted as sports

     Salmon and cucumber sandwiches, Bubble and Squeek, Sausage Toad in the Hole, Tiddy Oggies, Pease Puddings,Steak and Kidney Pies, Jellied Eel Pie and Mash, Yorkshire Puddings, Kedgeree, Spotted Dick, Rumbledethumps, Fish and Chips (not fries) Mushy Peas, Clotted Cream, Cockles, Whelks, PerriWinkles and Muscles with glasses of Pimms will be the only food and drink available at Sporting Events.

     States will know be known as Counties and the suffix “Shire” will be added to all “Counties” as in New Hampshire Examples: Floridashire, New Yorkshire, Texasshire, North Carolinashire, Mississippishire etc

     You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad and for those who missed the serious, Who killed JR ?

     An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

     Guy Faulk’s Night will be the only evening that Fireworks will be allowed.

     Driving licenses and car registrations with be nationally/federally issued, alleviating the need to pay fortunes when anyone moves Counties.

     Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. Tea must be sipped with an extended pinkie

     Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be banned from any TV appearances or media programming.

     Once I have ‘Ceased to Be” and following the coronation of Charlie, Camilla will be referred to as The First Horse


    The words France or French, spoken in public or private will risk a punishment of a week on a deserted island with Piers Morgan, Ann Coulter, Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, Sponge Bob, Alec Baldwin, Bill O’Reilly, The entire House of Representatives, Chuck Schummer, Rosie O’Donnell, Bill Clinton, Al Sharpton, Harry Reid, and Joel Osteen.

    Last edited by Beachcomber; 07-05-2019 at 12:39 PM.

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    HawkTheSlayer (07-05-2019),Rutabaga (07-05-2019)

  3. #2
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    revocation of your independence
    Really?

    "The collusion hoax was designed by idiots, to appeal to imbeciles, and to be spread by morons.
    All parties involved met expectations.

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    I have a dick tattoo that is relevant to the queen. It says “come and take it.”
    If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. Nicola Tesla


    The rifle itself has no moral stature, since it has no will of its own. Naturally, it may be used by evil men for evil purposes, but there are more good men than evil, and while the latter cannot be persuaded to the path of righteousness by propaganda, they can certainly be corrected by good men with rifles.
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    hmm............England seems to have found a significant presence in America on Independence Day this year!

    Well, if Her Majesty really wants to rescind American independence back to her rule, most of us would welcome Massachusetts; Illinois; New York; Maryland; Virginia; California; Oregon and Washington State rejoin the British Commonwealth. They wouldn't be missed, and the Grenadiers would have to patrol the newly named New England - Mexican border.

    Burning K-Street to the ground in Georgetown is an excellent idea.

    Despite the fact it is our first, and oldest ally, America is not particularly fond of the French. Good of Her Majesty to recognize that. Add CNN and MSNBC to that one week island penalty

    The food adjustment will be rough and our education system, replaced by the rules of the lads of the plains of Eaton, well, that is exactly the way America's education system is today. Like theirs - Worthless.

    The price of petrol is insignificant because in 12-years, all American cars will be remotely operated electric ones. Driving on the wrong side of the road (a necessity from ancient Britain that managed to survive into modern times), no problem. Just look at what will occur of AOC's idea when all the cars are remotely operated on Los Angeles' 405.

    For all we know, the Queen, M, or James Bond was responsible for killing JFK. Him or Michael Moore.

    King Charles The Dumb (you can actually observe the dumbness emanating off of his head like steam), excellent choice for King. Who else but a dummy would have dumped the elegant Princess Diana for the 52-year old sex bomb Camilla who finished third once in the Kentucky Derby. Not sure who was riding her - but she did well.

    Good treatise - I give it an A+ but banning the potty mouth beauty Kim Kardashian from the telly, nope, I draw the line at that.

    Stan

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    Is it true that Meghan asked if they were having outdoor cooking on the 4th of July?


    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."

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    Quote Originally Posted by RMNIXON View Post
    Is it true that Meghan asked if they were having outdoor cooking on the 4th of July?



    LOL. She looks like one of those science fiction shape shifter people that the tv and movies like to display. Probably immortal - which is a stupid thing to write as she may kick the bucket tomorrow and that would be her last words.

    Stan

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    "The nose, knows"

    @Auntifa,,,when the shooting starts, don't run, you'll only die tired...

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    A few of those don't sound too bad.
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