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View Full Version : TP: everything you wanted to know but were afraid



Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 12:37 PM
to ask.

What did people use before TP? Romans used wool and rosewater and sponges soaked in saltwater at the end of a stick. Well to do Frenchies used lace, wool and hep. Vikings used lamb's wool. Eskimos used snow and tundra moss. Sailors used the frayd ed of an old anchorline (i'm hoping not the communal one). Basically people used whatever was handy.

How about early settlers of the American West? Corncobs, sears catalogue. This inspired some humorous spinoffs sucgh as Rears and Sorebutt catalogue. The Farmer's Almanac had a hole in it so that it could be hung on a hook, but this was considered tacky by elite new englanders.

Trinnity
05-23-2013, 12:59 PM
TP is the epitome of civilization. I plan to stay stocked up, big time.

Archer
05-23-2013, 01:13 PM
Your hand and water!

I have used underwear and socks and a tee shirt as well:)

This is a joke:
http://thepoliticsforums.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=609&stc=1

Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 01:15 PM
I have tp with nancy pelousy's face on it. <ahem>

Trinnity
05-23-2013, 01:16 PM
Wut's that ^ ?

Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 01:43 PM
http://www.stupid.com/assets/images/graphics/00000001/nancypelositoiletpaper1.jpghttp://www.stupid.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/nancypelositoiletpaper1.jpg
Nancy Pelosi Toilet Paper (http://www.shareasale.com/m-pr.cfm?merchantID=26254&userID=508540&productID=474494936)

Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 01:45 PM
When was TP officially called TP? Official toilet paper, as it were, paper which was produced specifically for 'the' purpose dates back to at least the late FOURTEENTH CENTURY!! Chinese emperors ordered it in 2 foot by 3 foot sheets. :wink:

Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 01:48 PM
Who was the first person to package and sell TP? Joseph Gayetty of NY started producing the first packaged paper in 1857. It consisted of flat pre-moistened sheets medicated with aloe. hmmmm. 500 sheets of therapeutic papers sold for $.50. Yes that is right. 50 Cents. Gayetty's name was printed on every sheet. overkill.

lostbeyond
05-23-2013, 02:48 PM
Are we people the only animals who were created with such an exquisite respect to our asses? Do gorillas and other apes wipe their asses? Do you know any animal that wipes its ass?

lostbeyond
05-23-2013, 02:50 PM
Who was the first person to package and sell TP? Joseph Gayetty of NY started producing the first packaged paper in 1857. It consisted of flat pre-moistened sheets medicated with aloe. hmmmm. 500 sheets of therapeutic papers sold for $.50. Yes that is right. 50 Cents. Gayetty's name was printed on every sheet. overkill.

I guess this gives a whole new meaning to the "whos name is shit" phrase.
HAHAHA

Archer
05-23-2013, 02:53 PM
Are we people the only animals who were created with such an exquisite respect to our asses? Do gorillas and other apes wipe their asses? Do you know any animal that wipes its ass?

We don't want to smell like shit! We have a nasty diet and cheeks. Most animals have an exposed asshole and a good diet we do not.

Calypso Jones
05-23-2013, 03:13 PM
Are we people the only animals who were created with such an exquisite respect to our asses? Do gorillas and other apes wipe their asses? Do you know any animal that wipes its ass?

Can you blame humans for not wanting to smell or wanting to be sanitary or clean? Ever seen dogs or cats or other animals drag their bottoms thru the grass? I don't think animals want to be that unclean either...except for billy goats and muslims who piss on their beards.

Dan40
05-23-2013, 06:08 PM
to ask.

What did people use before TP? Romans used wool and rosewater and sponges soaked in saltwater at the end of a stick. Well to do Frenchies used lace, wool and hep. Vikings used lamb's wool. Eskimos used snow and tundra moss. Sailors used the frayd ed of an old anchorline (i'm hoping not the communal one). Basically people used whatever was handy.

How about early settlers of the American West? Corncobs, sears catalogue. This inspired some humorous spinoffs sucgh as Rears and Sorebutt catalogue. The Farmer's Almanac had a hole in it so that it could be hung on a hook, but this was considered tacky by elite new englanders.

Jay Leno does a Monday night skit called, "Headlines." People send in screwed up adds and stories from newspapers. Just this week there was a supermarket add for All Natural TP on sale. The photo was a package of corn on the cob!.

I just read one in our local paper about the Honda FIT will bve available with an automatic transmission next year.

The headline,

FIT goes shiftless.

hoytmonger
05-27-2013, 07:37 PM
In the immortal words of the Red Hot Chili Peppers...

"To prove you're a man, you must wipe it with your hand."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXW2jfdtsaQ

Rudy2D
09-25-2013, 07:33 PM
Since it's just me--I use my hand-held shower as a bidet. :)

Archer
09-25-2013, 07:40 PM
Wut's that ^ ?
Trinnity I never replied... That is the shit paper you get in the military. Good if you have three squares and shit one time a day but you better hope ist is not a funky shit or you just deal with an itchy ass and skid marks.